“I stook alone upon the platform in vain. The Puerto Ricans they were playin’ their salsa in the rain with open doors and manual locks in fast food parking lots. I headed West, I was a man on the move. New York had lied to me, I needed the truth. Oh I need somebody, I needed someone I could trust. I don’t gamble, but if I did I would bet on us. Like the Dead Sea, you told me I was like the Dead Sea. You’ll never sink when you are with me. Oh Lord, like the Dead Sea. I’m like the Dead Sea, the finest words you ever said to me. Honey can’t you see, I was born to be, be your Dead Sea. You told me you were good at running away, domestic life it never suited you like a suitcase. Left with just the clothes on your back, took the rest when you took the map. Yes, there are times we live for somebody else. Your father died and you decided to live it for yourself. You felt, you just felt it was time. And I’m glad, ‘cause you with cats that’s just not right. I been down, I been defeated. You’re the message I was heeding. Would you stay, would you stay the night? You’ll never sink when you’re with me.”

I’ve waited a million years and I’d probably wait a million more for you. I sit on my rusty throne and I wish I could play God. I would tie a puppet string to your heart and move you at my own whim. I’d make you my puppet and I’d watch as you’d learn to adore me. I’d make you love me so much you’d immediately forget how to breathe. I’d steal your breath and twist it into mine and watch the lovely shape your existence makes. I would tie you to my throne and command you to my knees. You’d worship me the way you worship a God, your knees would bleed from the redemption. I may sin, but I’m no devil. You don’t sin, because you’re an angel. I’ll take away your halo and make chain links for your wrists. We can sing a thousand hymns of tortured, brutal love and pray to the stars that ours will be different. But it won’t. You’ll learn to hate me but I won’t set you free. You’ll soon see we’re all a pawn in this game called life, and nothing is always as it seems to be.

I don’t know where it comes from. Maybe it’s all the way back in my past. Maybe it melted into my future. I don’t know. I wish it would leave, I wish I could just dissipate into the air like a ghost’s breath. It’s stupid and violent and leaves my insides scarred. It leaves me downtrodden and sour and I wish I could learn to hate the things that make you happy. Instead I love the things that make you upset and I wallow in this mysterious haze. I want to be loved, I want to be kissed every hour. I want to learn to turn the bad into good and appreciate the serenity of a good sunrise. Let’s mic the sun and sleep in the grass all night. 

I pictured the Dead Sea with you in it, floating in all your callous glory. Rolling around in the cobwebs of the deep dead sea. I pictured you mouth, with sharp fangs for teeth. I watched as they sank into my neck. Get drunk off me and kill all of my friends. It’s only you and now in this cold, depressing room. I pictured my showcase piano and you on top, ripping up my sheet music as I bang on the black keys. When you leave, I’m lonely for you. I pictured your feet and how I knelt before them, admiring your leather shoes and begging you to say you’re mine. I swam for miles and miles, sincerely hoping I would drown. I would give myself to the ocean if God promised you would be inside. You left and I choked on your retreat, I watched your silhouette fade into another’s. I laid around in my bed for days, gathering thoughts and reasons as to why I should run. I pictured your cough and how I wished I could catch it; a little piece of you with me forever. I ran out of space on my arm to carve your name, I ran out of room in my wooden heart to weep for you. So in fact, I’m not going to say goodbye because the word implies a tone I don’t like.

You make getting out of bed the best part of my day, it’s like running a fucking marathon through “what ifs” and “could bes”. I can taste your words when my phone rings, it’s like the sweat dripping from your overworked brow. Sometimes I don’t really know what to say to you in the dead of night when our bodies are breathing air that isn’t found. We can hide in sin for days at a time and I’ll stay all yours until the morning light. Watching you play out your passions in front of me is a luxury some people search their whole life for. When you have disappeared my body aches again. I can’t feel the inside of my mouth, talking is pointless. When you leave, I’m dreaming for you. Every book that I read has your face on the cover, or somewhere in between the fourth and five chapter. My four cornered bed isn’t as big as my heart evidently is, but it’s big enough for the two of us. We can build a home there, just you and me together. You make being alive feel the way it should.

“What is the difference between love and obsession? Didn’t both make you stay up all night, wandering the streets, a victim of your own imagination, your own heartbeat? Didn’t you fall into both, head-first into quicksand? Wasn’t every man in love a fool and every woman a slave? Love was like rain: it turned to ice, or it disappeared. now you saw it, now you couldn’t find it no matter how hard you might search. Love evaporated; obsession was realer; it hurt, like a pin in your bottom, a stone in your shoe. It didn’t go away in the blink of an eye. A morning phone call filled with regret. A letter that said, ‘Dear you, good-bye from me.’ Obsession tasted like something familiar. Something you’d known your whole life. A thing that settled and lurked; it stayed with you.” 

(Source: monsterinurbed)

Oh baby you need to leave ‘cause I’m getting drunk on your noble deeds. It doesn’t matter that they don’t get done when I feel this cold, they’re like the fucking sun. Baby I need a friend, but I’m a vampire smile, you’ll meet a sticky end and here I’m trying not to bite your neck but it’s beautiful and I’m gonna get so drunk on you and kill your friends. You’ll need me and we can be obsessed and I can touch your hair and taste your skin. The ghosts won’t matter ‘cause we’ll hide in sin. Baby you have a choice because you burn my ears with your magic voice. I’m a paper doll, you can tear me up. We’ll be the broken lovers with the poison cup and we’ll draw in breaths like we don’t have air. Oh god, look at me. Don’t you even care that I’m dying in the cupboard underneath the stairs? Steps stamp on above my head. Oh baby you’re cruel to me, but you see I love it when you make me plead. I want a scar that looks just like you, ‘till then I gotta learn to be a wiser fool. Baby you need to leave and I know you know, that’s why you keep ignoring me because if you don’t, I am gonna run me down, let myself fucking go. 

(Source: maudit, via allisonelisabeta)